Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
