my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
