So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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