You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
