I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
