The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
