there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
