anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
