I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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