sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
