if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
