Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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