One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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