there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize