oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
