I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
