I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
