remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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