he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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