i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
