What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
