with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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