I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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