i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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