Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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