What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
