so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You're like the curious george of whores
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
