I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
