They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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