She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
