I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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