WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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