This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
