i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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