I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
