You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
splinters make it hard to masturbate
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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