I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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