No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize