it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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