just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
