Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
