i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
