At least make sure they are 18
Why
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
