sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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