this beer tastes like vomit already
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
