her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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