im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
