Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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