So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
