so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
