Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
