you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
