i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you had me at cake vodka
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
