Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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