I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
