I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
