She went from zero to smokin in five shots
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
