just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize