dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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