he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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