So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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