Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
