It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
