you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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