The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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