Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
