I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
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We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
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Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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