Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
