have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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