Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
