I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize