I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
