some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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